Calming down

Feeling much better today, despite still not hearing anything from Berlitz. Had the severance meeting with the Vice President and it turned out better than I previously thought, plus I have stock options I didn't know about. Things will work out... things will work out.

I spent much of the day yesterday with my sister-in-law and my neice and nephew, and that helped at first. As the day went on and I stopped being the outraged victim, I felt worse and worse about everything. I was still willing to take what I deserved, but really realizing how NOT in control of things I was hurt a lot.

It's hard for me to submit to people. It's hard for me to accept that I'm not in control of any situation. I don't know if it's part of being the oldest or what, but not having the power to make things my way, when logically everything SHOULD be my way, is.... scary. I feel like less of a person, and I HATE that feeling with a passion.

Which is why I often put up an aloof front - so that no one can see how they're affecting me, and so I have time to process my responses. It's not fun, but it's less damaging.